How To Apologize

How To Apologize

We all experience frustration and conflict in our relationships. When our expectations aren’t met, we become frustrated. If you look forward to certain results from your relationship, but don’t receive what you anticipated, it naturally leads to frustration. This frustration, and the lack of communication which often follows it, results in conflict.

Conflict is a normal part of human relationships. When we experience conflict, it disrupts our emotions, hurts our feelings, raises our temper, and pushes us to become angry. Ultimately, you’re angry because you didn’t get your way. Once you’re angry, you become offended, Then, someone mentions divorce, your friendship becomes rocky, or you hate your boss. Anger and offense often result in the dramatic tearing apart of a relationship you once enjoyed.

If you have never experienced this, get ready, because you will. I guarantee it. And if you are currently in this type of situation, I have good news for you. There is a solution to all of this frustration, conflict, anger, and offense! And this solution is an effective remedy in most cases.

Apologize.

I can hear your response right now.

“But I didn’t do anything wrong.”
“It was my employer's fault.”
“My husband owes me an apology.”
“My wife is just too sensitive.”
“I thought we were friends. How could she treat me like this?”

All of that may be true, but if you value the relationship, you’ll still need to apologize to move forward. Some people know this, and they tend to “apologize” with statements like this:

“I’m sorry that your feelings got hurt.”
“I’m sorry that you were offended.”
“I’m sorry for yelling at you, but…”

But that’s not really an apology. They aren’t really expressing remorse for their actions, they are trying to justify them. That is not the way to solve conflicts; it’s how to prolong them.

The cold, hard truth is that people tend to be selfish. It’s difficult to overcome selfishness when things are going well, and it’s especially challenging when you’re hurting. But you have to move past thinking about yourself and shift your attention and focus to how the other person is feeling. You’ll have to stop meditating about how the other person hurt you and begin to consider how you may have hurt him or her. And then, sincerely apologize for your actions leading to that hurt.

Think about what would happen if you broke the ice and apologized first? What if you said “I’m sorry” and really meant it? What if you offered a genuine, sincere apology, accepting responsibility for your actions, expressing remorse for the harm they caused, and committing to a solution that prevents it from happening again? What if your apologies sounded less selfish and more like this?

“I apologize for being mean to you and I hurt your feelings. I will be more aware of my words and my tone in the future."

“I apologize for not communicating with you. That’s my fault. I will start valuing your opinion right away.”

“I apologize for cutting you off while you were talking. I will listen more.”

“I apologize for arriving late. I take full responsibility. I value you and your time and I will show that immediately.”

I’ll tell you what will likely happen: forgiveness and restoration. A genuine apology has the power to turn any situation around. Try it today. Even if you don’t feel like it. Apologize anyway.