How To Discipline Your Children

Stacy and I are honored to have four children and we consider each of their lives a blessing from the Lord. Ziyanah is 18, Zayvn is 10, Zarek Jai is 6 and Zage is 3. Due to a lot of practice, we know a thing or two about raising children. We have followed the scriptures in our approach to discipline and God’s Word has made a difference in our parenting and in the lives of each of our children.

Scripture gives guidelines about how you are to administer discipline to your children. Here are three very important practices to follow when disciplining your children.

Discipline Promptly

Proverbs 13:24
He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

When your child misses the mark, don’t wait a few days before you discipline him or her. You want your child to understand that the consequence stems from his or her inappropriate behavior. If too much time passes between the child’s action and the corresponding consequence, he or she will have a hard time understanding the connection between them. If your child breaks the rule, issue the consequence promptly. Make sure you are very consistent and don’t allow your child to talk you out of the repercussions. We all learn and grow through consistency.

Discipline Without Anger

Do not discipline while you are angry. It’s alright to be upset or disappointed in your child’s behavior, but you should respond in the same way God responds to you when you miss the mark. While His correction may not feel good at the moment, your Heavenly Father corrects you because of His love, not His anger.

Remember, your goal is to help your child understand the consequence is based on his or her behavior, not your reaction. The focus should be on whatever principle your child violated and the result of that violation. You need to address both aspects of your child’s behavior--the action and the attitude that led to it. However, it is not fair to punish your child for your feelings. Pause for a moment to get your anger under control before you administer the consequence.

Also, understand that punishing your child while angry undermines the effectiveness of your discipline. Your anger cannot and will not produce the same fruit in your child that godly discipline will. In fact, your child is more likely to remember your anger instead of learning to make better choices. Yelling or losing your temper can even be detrimental to your future relationship with your child. Changing a person’s behavior requires changing the way he or she thinks about his or her behavior. Bitterness, fear, and resentment toward angry parents are ineffective toward this goal and can only create more problems in the future.

Balance Discipline with Grace

Proverbs 22:15
Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him.

I interpret the rod of correction in this verse to mean spanking. We see throughout Scripture that extreme rebellious behavior requires an extreme corresponding reaction. While many people have mixed feelings on corporal punishment, we have a clear understanding about the rod of correction here in the Alexander household. Of course, there should be a proper balance of encouragement, warnings, and verbal correction. However, sometimes your child just needs a spanking.

Knowing your child’s love language also comes into play. As I’m raising four children, I can say with confidence that what worked for one child may not necessarily work for the others and what worked before may need to be tweaked or changed entirely.

Discipline is important, but it is also important to make sure you balance correction with praise. Praise your children for making correct choices. A good balance between correction and praise helps your child develop a healthy identity.

Hebrews 12:11 NLT
No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.

Raising children is a major responsibility. This is not only for us to say that we have good children, but also for the betterment of society. Think about it this way: You are ultimately raising your children for someone else. You may be raising a future husband or wife, father or mother, CEO, POTUS, pastor, or an impactful individual in society that shows integrity, character and self-control.

Finally, understand that you will sometimes fall short as a parent. Sometimes you will do the wrong thing, and other times you may not have any clue what you should do. But God’s grace is sufficient for these situations. Remember to ask God to help you, ask your godly friends with children for wise counsel, and do your very best to raise your children in a way that honors the Lord.

Prayer: “Father, help each parent mold and shape each of our children according to Your plan for their lives. In Jesus Name, Amen”